Remarkable occurrences

Newsletter 15 January 2010

'Photo taken of whole school'

Available for purchase at RM150 per copy. On view in the Secondary Office.

- GISEYE

4 GBP Nasi Lemak

At the pervading risk of this article turning into the classic newsletter school trip report we will be breaking from convention in this, this meager publication's first sports editorial.

Precisely more than four weeks ago from today, along with another stalwart of the post-GIS blogging scene, Matthew Rust; this humble editor commenced on a flamboyantly metaphorical and physical journey through the perils of football team organisation, a gripping four hour coach trip, and ultimately what turned out to be an enjoyable day on Saturday the 31st of November at the Nottingham Malaysian Games 2009 Sports Competition & Family-Fun Day.

Team Details

Lustfully thrusting themselves forward upon the Ben Teo heartland of Nottingham, United Kingdom a team comprising: Nikesh ‘Safe Hands’ Chahal, Andy ‘Pec-heavy’ Chan, Ben ‘Suspect Match Practice’ Bradley, an up for it Matthew ‘Perry’ Rust, Menzie ‘Furious’ Kee, recent Singaporean import Vincent ‘Solskjear’ Au, and the ever-present team official and administrator Clement Chew Sdn Bhd - equivocally represented the remnants of the fabled Garden U18 Team of 06/07 (forth best team in South East Asia due only to some consistently gregarious refereeing malpractice throughout their tenure), in this the perennial competition in the British Universities Malaysian Sporting Calendar.

Possessing the rare qualities of negligible match practice in the months prior to the game and a carefully selected average of two hours of sleep the night before, preparations never looked better for what became known as Team Punggol War Clan, as this troop of drained yet talented individuals collectively descended at 0800h upon the Power League Nottingham stadia, adjacent to a resplendent British Tobacco Processing Plant and the best of Nottingham’s marshlands.

British American Tobacco, Nottingham University Campus

Team Punggol WAR Clan - (L-R) Solskjaer, Faye, Diego Forlan, (seated) Uriah Rennie, Sun Jihai, Ronaldo, David James

In a nod to the fabled efficiencies of Chris Ho, by 0835h all non-tournament logistics and administration had been taken care of by the assured Clement Chew. All necessary tournament information was then garnered by team organiser B Bradley at the pre-tournament briefing given in succinct Bahasa Melayu. It was learnt that a grand total of 64 teams were present.

Emergency Servis 24 Jam Response Team

Foundations in place, at 0900h Team Punggol War Clan commenced a quick and efficient warm-up using a ball generously temporarily procured from an unsuspecting nearby team.

Warm-up in progress

Preparations were dealt a blow however when the nearby team turned about face and aggressively commenced retrieval of their ball, cutting short Team Garden’s pre-game warm-up to an efficient 25 seconds.

Match 1: Birmingham ‘A’

Adrenaline surging through the veins, Team Garden lumbered through their first game against Notts Games 2008 Champions Birmingham University A. Presenting the lead to their furious opponents in the first half, a lethargic run from M Rust combined with a lazy Andy Chan back-heel were sufficient for Team Garden to finish the game at level pegging with the final score 1-1.

Prior to scoring

The game also concluded with Acting Defender B Bradley on the receiving end of a torrent of nationalistic abuse from a vertically-different member of the opposing team after this upstanding individual unfortunately managed to collide with a wooden buttress.

Match 2: Leicester ‘A’ (2-3)

Eventualities aside however, Team Garden entered their next game going through the motions against a ridiculous Leicester ‘A’ side.

Nevertheless whatever the final score line it could be safely said from a neutral perspective that Team Punggol War Clan stood firm in retaining the moral victory in this their penultimate game of the tournament.

Match 3: King’s College London ‘A’

Highlights here included: ‘Shut the fuck up, no one’s talking to you’, ‘Fuck you’, and ‘Go learn English and go home.’

Team Garden won 4-1.

Match 4: Team Total 90 dan satu mat salleh (2-2)

Highlights here included a last minute penalty awarded to the opposing team after keeper Nikesh Chahal opted to touch the ball with his feet.

This malicious act proved to be the final straw for the tournament organizers and thus ended Team Punggol War Clan’s brief and bittersweet campaign in the Notts Games of 2009.

Compliments to Adzim Halim for the gracious loan of his personal car as the official team transport vehicle for the day.

Other luminaries who featured on the day were:

Colin Say

Provided both moral and physical support to Imperial College London volleyball team.

Jonson Tan

Volleyball action for Loughborough University (alumni including Matthew Rust).

Lee Ky-Ling

Clement what did you want to write here?

Datuk Ahmed Shabery Bin Cheek, Minister for Youth and Sports

Who took time out of his personal schedule to meet and greet players, fans and indeed team officials and administrators.

- GISEYE

Special Guest Article Edition #1

With some quarters loudly proclaiming that we here at GISEYE have lost the common touch; others, that we are severely deficient in any ability to write in a manner befitting the general readership; and others still, that few people actually read the drivel that we aggressively spew forth - after weeks of deliberation and in a flagrant attempt to increase our readership, we now are happy to publish an article that is neither exclusive, hard-hitting, outwardly-controversial, nor written by GISEYE.

Instead, we are now proud to present a special guest edition of the tri-monthly GISEYE Report.

Here, writing exclusively for GISEYE by a writer going under the pseudonym of 'Aarti Samtani’ - as follows is a dark yet deeply moving missive that limbers through the ups and the downs of university life.

‘Looking at your future as a child raises a myriad of fears and concerns’

Looking at your future as a child raises a myriad of fears and concerns. The majority of university related issues that arise are centralised around a predictable concept… grades.

With hindsight I realised the short sightedness of my childhood dreams. I shouldn’t have wasted my prayers on getting into University. Rather, I have realised, good accommodation is an even greater rarity and far less likely to come by.

Chapter 1 – The Plywood Years

My first apartment was defined as a ‘three bedroom complex’ by which he meant 2 bedrooms and a room within a living room. The last unfortunate room was barricaded with flimsy plywood.

Oddly enough, the room within a living room was not the worse feature of the apartment. The apartment looked like a dungeon; with little windows and a drier without a timer function. It was challenging; I was never certain if my clothes were shrinking or if it was the rapid horizontal expansion on my behalf (the later turned out to be true). Alternate accommodation was therefore arranged after a long year of searching.

Chapter 2 - Denial Through The Medium Of Spring Rolls

Now one would think, ‘what are the chances of getting screwed over twice?’ In my case, VERY likely. The current place I stay in has a curfew of 10pm on weekdays and midnight on weekends. Unfortunately, it is an enforceable rule.

Just to complete the whole affair; I am not allowed to cook unless prior permission is obtained. How the heck did I get myself in this situation? Well, funny story really.

It all started when I was deep frying spring rolls. The oil heated up and started smoking which resulted in a smoky environment. The lady of the house freaked out and shook with anger (literally, she was vibrating with anger… rather scary really) and from that fateful day I haven’t been allowed to cook. Clearly, I haven’t had much luck in the accommodation department.

Chapter 3 – Sorrow

I could never understand why one would want to own a home. After a year and a half I have now changed my mind. For those out there who suffer the same fate; I sincerely sympathize. I genuinely wish you the best of luck as I sit at home on Friday at 12.30am at the peak of my youth.

- The writer is currently reading Medicine at the University of New South Wales. When not courting legal controversy through publishing prose such as above, the writer enjoys cooking, losing weight, and taking leading roles in school-wide drama performances.

This is GISEYE, signing out.

Stay safe.

School Website Hacked Exclusive

Following a remarkable turn of events over the past week, we here at GISEYE, from the confines of the environs of inner-school internetreporting, are now able to reveal to you the ever-present undulating readership, recent reports of what is known in ‘hacker circles’ as a ‘cyber-attack’ upon the school website during the middle of last week.

As follows are exclusive to GISEYE, screenshots of the alleged attacks:

What am I looking at here

Utterly outrageous

After conducting extensive analysis and studying data available exclusively to GISEYE, we are now in the position to release the results of this study into the events that transpired leading up to this monumentally heinous crime - of what some say is of an utterly despicable yet daring nature that will no doubt serve to only strengthen the self-styled hard man yet softly spoken image this hacking perpetrator appears to be creating.

We have been led to believe that a group of hardcore individuals or indeed possibly one individual, slumbering on a chair in front of a computer screen in the confines of a dimly-lit perhaps subterranean basement room, whilst staring intently at the familiar screen in front of them, somehow managed to irregularly depress several keys on their well-worn keyboard and mouse in order to place the offending articles upon the school website - as one can see above.

Ben Bradley, Second Economics Correspondent, revealed that the opportunity cost of such an attack to the perpetrator could have been activities such as: doing homework, reading, and crucially in this health-conscious day and age - participating in many a physical recreation activity on a daily basis.

Firsthand Accounts

With regards to responses on the ground, rapid reporting by GISEYE is now able to reveal first-hand accounts from several individuals either connected to or formerly connected to the school, and by that link, the school website and thus, these distasteful online attacks.

In his first interview since being forced to relinquish his duties as Head Boy in June 2009, former Head Boy, Gregory Yap, in an initial state of blustering confusion stated, ‘how was it hacked?’ He then admitted exclusively to GISEYE the following revelation, ‘haha [sic] cool cool, this is new…nope,’ and with that categorically denying the possibility of the perpetrator being a disgruntled former teacher.

Meanwhile, close personal friend of Zi-wen Ho and also indeed of the popular yet humble Alang Aris, Ann Choong, sibling of Ian Choong, controversially revealed to GISEYE that she will personally be conducting her own investigations into this debacle, in a statement of, 'anyway.. im gonna go check it out.' As followed was a strong condemnation of the attacks with a provocative emotion-laden plea of, 'yeah thats it?...that is remarkably sad. probably cos someone hates him.' Ending with an informed cliffhanger of , '...the best way to get back at him is thru some technological hacking cos i suppose he must be pretty technologically savvy.'

Elsewhere, in a surprising statement, the enigmatic yet affable Henry Yen, Taiwanese graduate of Year 11 in 2005, and recently re-self-proclaimed, ‘the coolest guy you’ve met in ur life,’ in a cryptically ambiguous statement released by his advisors, controversially admitted, ‘it’s likely they were on the way to the school bus.’ As to whether the perpetrator was a disgruntled former teacher, Henry Yen (known to his close personal friends as 'Henry') declined to comment any further.

Finally, the omnipresent yet humble Woo YX, allegedly back from a recent business trip to PRC and currently preparing to dominate the selective KL nightlife scene, in a no doubt provocative aside quipped, ‘I think GIS IT Technicians are noobs XD,’ with a well-reasoned retort of ‘cause like they don’t know how to find the hacker and Dana’s brother have to like help them.’

Sick Filth

Finally, speculative speculation aside however, whilst recognising the immeasurable risks one would be exposed to in executing such a daring cyber-attack on the website of such a value for money educational institution - producer of such well-regarded individuals as the leadership-ordained Christopher J Ho, the fashionable Fariq Abdul Aziz, knowledge-bank Jason Ta-Liang Lim, the some say mysterious yet undoubtedly formidably pleasant amongst their peers Maevis Tan and Serena George, and possibly also Business Studies Supremo Thomas Maxwell - we here in our collective roles as second party observers opt to outwardly condone such cyber attacks such is their effect on limited school resources.

And finally, this hard-hitting exclusive just in from seasoned Co-Editor 2 Clement Chew:

"It is with our greatest regret and repugnance that we now feature this so-called facebook ‘group’ named the Moodle Hacker Appreciation Group. It appears that an eloquent individual going under the pseudonym of 'Affinity Male' has decided to start such a group glorifying the actions of this hacker. This, to the detriment of their homework completion abilities by nature of complete disregard in totality of their future academic achievements.

Already teeming with more than a hundred subscribers, this group appears to be a waste of time better spent perhaps revising for upcoming GCSE exams. No doubt 'Male' inherently feels a success for creating such a group, and while it is true that there are serious security concerns regarding the school website, there is no further need to add salt to the wounds."

And on that outrageous bombshell, this is GISEYE, signing off.

We hope that quality will improve in the future.

What Is This Sick Filth

Health, Fitness, & Fashion

'Hearty advice'

In this exclusive report, we here at GISEYE can now reveal to you the discerning reader, a discovery that quite possibly could be one of the steals of the coming academic year, lightening the fiscal burden for many a discerning consumer.

As a result of the previous paragraph you may now consequently be asking yourself, what precisely is this gloriously depicted bargain? Or indeed where can one take advantage of such a proposition? The answers to these questions may be revealed as follows.

‘Recent Reports on the Ground’

Recent reports on the ground indicate that the school shop is now selling house PE shirts for the perhaps jaw-dropping prices of RM19, RM21, and RM24, for sizes 24 & 26, 28-34, and 36-48 respectively. Whilst this revelation may now coerce you to abandon all current pursuit and commence direct and immediate journey to the school shop in question in order to take advantage of such an opportunity. Against all known logic however, we here at GISEYE do implore you to read on further as we divulge what possibly could bring an even greater benefit to one's wellbeing.

Splendid

Indeed, closer scrutiny of the recently unveiled house PE shirt price list revealed almost exclusively to GISEYE; opens up the existence of the fact that smaller sizes of such shirts are in fact priced lower than their larger more generous equivalents.

Extensive analysis of such evidence here at GISEYE has revealed that this consequently deduces that in order to take advantage of the cheaper shirts, one must endeavour to be either: shorter in height, or slimmer in girth.

What steps therefore, must one take to make the most of this subliminally beneficial currency-orientated exchange? A close source who may or may not have medical qualifications revealed to GISEYE that the following steps could possibly be taken in order to qualify for the cheaper, smaller shirts:

• Consuming less, rather than more, food.
• Exercising 7 times a day.
• Liposuction techniques.
• Exerting oneself through the medium of weights because weights have been professed to stunt vertical growth.

And indeed (though quarters here arguably question this):

• Hunching.

Unfortunately however, despite the exuberance at this pricing revelation at the GISEYE camp, not everyone appears to be welling in the veritable fountain of satisfaction that this deal regurgitates. Former well-respected student WOOYX, whom sources inform us has struggled in vain for the past half-decade to decrease in size, issued a statement in response: 'GG'.

Co-editor 2 Clement Chew countered this harsh statement however by enthusiastically overwhelmingly applauding the pricing strategies of the school book shop, quite possibly stating that it should encourage a whole generation of students to be both shorter, and slimmer, than ever before - though quite possibly to the detriment of the Basketball, Swimming, Athletics, Rugby, and Football teams.

'Golden Generation'

On the latter front however we must issue the statement that height on the whole did not appear to hold back what some call over the past fifty years, the ‘Golden Generation’ of school football, the Men’s U18 Football team of 06-07, winners of several regional tournaments and unfortunately due to possibly weather-orientated issues and refereeing malpractice, placed a disappointing fourth in the South-East Asian SEASAC football tournament, truly a calculated misrepresentation of their totalled abilities on the whole.

2nd Tallest Member T. Maxwell backtracking; Independent Playmaker M. Rust looking on; and Local Player V. Narula naturally entangled in the heat of the action

Returning to the matter at hand however. Elsewhere, sources have informed us that a man going under a pseudonym, that can coincidently also be translated directly from local dialect to mean ‘Excellent’, ‘Chun’, retracted his comment that such a clothing pricing bonanza was quite possibly of a homosexual nature. We later learned that this statement was actually wrongly attributed to ‘Chun’, and that in fact it has no place whatsoever in this exclusive report brought to you here first, by GISEYE.

'Undoubtedly popular amongst his peers' and avid GISEYE fan, Mr Lee Weng Yew, whom we have been informed by close sources, is in fact enjoying his summer holiday in Malaysia, was unfortunately unavailable for comment.

Meanwhile, Co-editor 1 Thomas Maxwell is taking a sabbatical, professed to be still washing his pants several times over after recently watching popular youth-band ‘Oasis’, live in London recently.

- GISEYE

A Debate Between Sino-Chinese Entity And Middle Ethnic Pupilage

An exploration of cultural relations between contrasting entities. Covering the initial dispute, synergistic solution formulation, and resulting rectification of a matter. With references to legislature enforcement, genealogical ties, and the economics of exchange. Broadly encompassed in the theme of core periphery. An audio transcription of the following discourse is available as follows if one so wishes.

---

Now calling ah, ah really…

Record beh, record weh, got pick up phone ah?

Harlo?

Hallo!

Yah?

Eh you fucking cibai¹ who call this number ah 91403054?

I never call you leh

You fuck ah today you call how many time? About six time you know!

Now ah?

Ah now then when your father call ah?

Okay okay I see I see later I wanna check…

Fuck you…you stay where? You stay where? Tell me you stay where? You working where?

Tell you stay for what hah? Lakaninabo cibai bastard!

You mother cibai you fucking eh you fuck you ah…

I know you one hantam you, you fucking cibai you will stay where you tell me I come…

Ok you stay where? You stay where? You stay where you mother cibai you sarang puteh⁴ ha?

You we stay where people? Kaninabo cibai you is stay where?

I snare you ah, snare you, you mother cibai you mother cibai inside kosong one…

You stay where you tell me I now come, I see you, lakaninabo cibai bastard…

Cibai, you bastard ah…

Lakaninabo cibai…

Your mother father bastard ah?

You don’t know ah? Ha? Lakaninabo cibai…

Your mother father all bastard ah? Your mother father bastard ah? You see roti prata⁷ you fucking cibai ah.

You Chinese fuck, you Chinese fuck bastard la you fucking cibai!

I now call police I wanna call.

You tell me stay where?

I tell police your number. I now catch your number I call police. I wanna call your foreman² to come.

For what? I never take the IC, I wan Hi-Card³ I buy for me I never take.

Hai fuck you la your father ask you money buy card ah?

I buy the I-card…

No no no, I wan no report you fucking ah you make sure you come don’t come Singapore anymore as if you fucking bangla another cibai India motherfucker.

Ha? I told you already I want to I want to cancel the number.

Eh why you scold me? Why you scold me? You cancel, cancel your father ah? You scold me?

I said I said I change…

Ah fuck you ah now where you stay?

Ah? You is stay where tell me I come! You is stay where tell me I come!

You sure? You come Punggol⁵ now!

Ha?

Now ah you come Punggol!

Punggol ah? Punggol where?

Punggol! Block 107 now! Now you come!

The new block ah?

Fuck you ah, ask your father all come la!

Ha?

Mother cibai you.

I one man enough, you know don’t talk so much, I one man I, 3 person, 5 person, 10 person, don’t care already.

You come 10 20 men I also don’t scared ah!

Tell you I tell you already uncle I sorry sorry you want to fuck me people for what you tell me?

Of course what you call me I fuck you ah, you call me what?

You tell me, tell me so far you, instead of fucking fucking cibai for what. This one, cannot tell me people you call, talk nicely people, so people understand.

Eh fuck you ah I talk nicely, you call me 6 times I talk to you nicely, hah?

Ha? This number last time use ah my friend. But I don’t know he want to go back already.

AH fuck your friend la! I don’t care your friend, your father, or your mother use, I also don’t care. As long as you don’t call this number. Why you call 6 time?

Okay okay I want to cancel the…

You find you find prostitute ah? You think prostitute use this number? Your friend girl ah?

No la no la…

Ah then why you call call call call call ah?

Noonoo…

You fucking cibai bangala.

* * *

I now I now ah see I want to cancel the this number ok I see.

You fucking make sure you cancel ah, one more time I make sure, one time you call ah I make sure I kill you ah, your whole family all die ah, I tell you ah, I gangster ah I tell you ah…

Don’t worry I never give you IC I buy from this one ok?

Make sure ah?

I keep the fifteen dollar I buy for me one card.

Ok you fucking ah make sure you don’t call ok ah, I see ah…

Okay okay…

One more time you call ah, ah…

Ok I today I want to cancel this number.

Ah, then you must say sorry to me now!

Ok ok I thought solved already I say I keep repeat I sorry already…

I don’t want you talk so much I want you say sorry can already!

Ok ok sorry sorry I want to cancel this number now…

Ah, say very very sorry!

Ok ok, sorry sorry sorry…

Ok ok…

Ok ok ok ok…

---

APPENDIX
¹ The term 'cibai' which is repeatedly spoken throughtout the debate depicts a lady's private parts.

² When the Ah Beng refers to a "foreman" sometime in the beginning of the debate, he is speaking derogatively as he assumes that the Bangala possesses a blue-collared job and therefore has a "foreman" who is in charge of his work schedule.

³ A "Hi-card" is the equivalent of a mobile service provider such as "Vodafone" or "O2" as observed in the UK.

⁴ "Sarang puteh" refers to the white headband that Sikhs wrap around their head to protect their hair. Another derogatory term.

⁵ "Punggol" is a housing estate in Singapore particularly renown for its selection of gangs for residential purposes.

⁶ "Block 107" was indeed a new block.

⁷ "Roti Prata" refers to a piece of dough which is thinly whipped over and over again until it forms a delicious item of taste. Primarily produced by the Indian ethnicity residing in Singapore.

GISEYE Report Summer 2008 – Stage 1

Welcome

As heralded by a sudden change in the weather, here at GISEYE, summer is now upon us. Therefore, what has been achieved thus far? What is currently being achieved? And what will be achieved over the next few months of summer?

University

With university terms at Durham, Manchester, and Norwich, all finishing at roughly the same time within a thirty day period, it was then decided that the three editors of GISEYE were to experience the joys of travel by British Rail.

This was kick-started by Editor 1 Ben Bradley taking a train from Durham to Manchester, and then consequently a week later, Editor 1 and Co-editor 2 Clement Chew taking a further train from Manchester to Norwich. A week following that, Co-editor 2 took a train back up to Manchester, and Editor 1 took a train to Peterborough, changing for Durham. Previously, over Easter, Editor 1 took a train from Durham to London, Co-editor 1 took a train from Norwich to London, whilst Co-editor 2 took a train from Manchester to London. The formerly described journeys were all interspersed by intensive computer gaming and drinks possibly of an alcoholic nature. Co-editor 1 also succeeded in attaining possible poisoning of the latter-sort whilst Co-editor 2 decided to disperse such liquid over his laptop.

So all in all, the past year for all three editors has been exceedingly brilliant, far surpassing our collective expectations.

AWARDS

Yes it is that time of year again, the time for the GISEYE Awards, awarding to members of the general public of whom we feel are most relevant to the award in question. Much painstaking research and possibly hours of decision-making and analysis has gone into deciding the recipients of these awards. Thus, with no further delays, here they are:

The GISEYE Award for Editor – Ben Bradley

The GISEYE Award for Co-Editor 1 – Thomas Maxwell

The GISEYE Award for Co-Editor 2 – Clement Chew

The GISEYE Award for Most Composed – Chris Ho

The GISEYE/Berita Harian Award for Knowledge – Chris Ho
Possible runner-up – Lee Weng Yew

Chris Ho: for subscribing to the New Scientist Magazine during A Level Physics, and currently as we know it, still subscribing to this metaphorical vortex of physics-related knowledge and consequently humbly impressing us all with his physics/knowledge of most things.

Lee Weng Yew takes the Possible runner-up position for claiming that he’s currently studying at Cambridge University, and consequently proving so, and then in the face of adversity attaining exemplary first year degree results, in the top seventh percentile of results may we add, netting him a colossal 200.00 pound prize which he plans to share with his friends.*

*rumoured

The GISEYE Award for Driving – Woo Yi Xuan
Possible runner-up – Low Su-Zen
Possible runner-up 2 – Thomas Maxwell

YX Woo: many an event that took place over the past three years simply would not have been possible without Woo YX at the wheel of an aluminum-blue Honda Civic with the accompanying soothing lyrics of Jay Chou amongst other highly regarded artists here at GISEYE. Rumours are abound that YX plans to start a ‘Safety YX Driving School for Noobs’ in the near or far future.

Low Su-Zen takes the Possible runner-up position, for despite being completely against the odds, utilising her personal transportation option a number of times over Christmas to transport members of the public short distances.

Coming up rapidly behind Low Su-Zen is Thomas Maxwell in the Possible runner-up 2 position, as his parallel parking abilities are somewhat highly regarded, by even the multi-award winning Woo Yi Xuan himself, whilst also claiming to provide various journeys of a public transport related nature.

The Clement Chew Award for Musical Excellence – Johan Abdul Rahman
Possible runner-up/challenger – Jia Weii Hue

JAR: with numerous supporters of this recipient – through identifying his possibly hidden great political and diplomatic talents some say only matched by Chris Ho himself - already having created a Facebook group requesting him to run for the Presidency of a yet to be named country; The Clement Chew Award for Musical Excellence goes to Johan Abdul Rahman, currently studying at a university of music whilst also incredibly somehow managing (how, we do not know as of yet) to find time to play in a band. Also, for providing much enjoyment of a musical nature one night last summer when two of your allegedly misguided editors blundered their way through Heritage Row to witness a performance of his former band which has now been disbanded featuring Co-editor 2 Clement Chew at the helm of a weapon of a keyboard.

The Clement Chew Award for Bravery in the Face of Danger – Sin Chun Wai
Possible runner-up – Clement Chew

Sin Chun Wai: for managing to fool an assailant of African descent who held a knife to his groin one night out in the darker depths of London, that he in fact, did not at that time possess great wealth nor favours of a surprising fornicating nature that he wished to bestow upon the knife-wielding fellow, and thus he escaped unharmed, and went on to enjoy the rest of the night, safely.

Clement Chew takes the Possible runner-up position for his efforts contributed towards crowd control in the face of various yob-related behavior under his current job as Events Steward at various stadia around the country.

---

Which brings us nicely on to our next set of awards.

The GISEYE Award for Staying Safe – Woo Yi Xuan

Apart from one incident which will not be mentioned where he partook in unusual quantities of specific variants of beverages one night and much hilarity thus ensued.

The GISEYE/Jusco Award for Fashion – Simon Mo
Possible runner-up – Andrew Chan

For always managing to be in fashion whatever the time, place, or occasion that presents itself.

And for Andrew Chan, exclusively (though not all-exclusively) on the football pitch.

The Thomas Maxwell Award for Sporting Fitness – Verun Narula
Possible runner-up 1 – Brian Tan
Possible runner-up 2 – Woo Yi Xuan

Verun Narula: the award named after the colossal bastion of stamina, endurance and all things sporting fitness related, The Thomas Maxwell Award for Sporting Fitness goes to Verun Narula for a Michael Chopra-like performance of tracking back many a time during the total domination of a rival school side in the pursuit of football over the most recent Christmas break, a match that will fondly be remembered, remaining in the minds of your editors for many a year to come.

Brian Tan, takes the Possible runner-up 1 position for studying at the University of Bath which is well-known for its sporting facilities; additionally for humbly displaying various colossal photos pre or post-workout on his Facebook for the benefit of all to keep up to date with his progress. Although as to whether this position will be challenged in the near future by a Matthew Sixten Rust who will be attending another university – Loughborough – that is also well known for its sporting facilities, remains to be seen.

Meanwhile, Woo YX takes the Possible runner-up 2 position for a year and five months ago to this date, claiming that he can perform sixty push-ups, and consequently doing so, despite having -13.2% body fat and a heart rate at that time of 386 bpm, all possibly whilst under the influence and simultaneously winning at Age of Empires 2, a computer game that ranks very highly indeed on the GISEYE Current Cool List (GISEYECCL).

The GISEYE/Duke of Edinburgh Award for Should Have Gone to Kinabalu on DOE – Clement Chew

On an unrelated note, reports have it that Clement Chew will not be travelling to Romania for a holiday anytime soon.

The Ben Bradley Award for Extensive Verbal Communication – Kit Perry
Possible runner-up 1 – Nikesh Chahal
Possible runner-up 2 – Matthew Rust

The award so-named after the verbal stronghold well-known for utilising his vocal chords excessively in many a social situation, often to such an extent that others are simply unable to put more than three consecutive words in single conversations, the Ben Bradley Award for Extensive Verbal Communication thus goes to Kit Perry for providing many a vividly moving commentary – some say exceeded in eloquence and clarity only by the well-honed expertise of Co-editor 2 Clement Chew - to numerous blogcasts here at GISEYE over the years, when none others were willing to step up to the plate and be counted in a metaphorical manner. Kit Jimmy Koay Perry was unfortunately unavailable to comment on his award at the time of writing.

Canada’s Nikesh Chahal takes the Possible runner-up 1 position for his reportedly hard man image and numerous encouraging shouts and perfectly timed calls during our final year at GIS U18s.

Matthew 610 Rust takes the Possible runner-up 2 position for challenging the authority of Ellis during SEASAC06 with the carefully chosen words “ELLIS!!#123@$” following a cunning pre-planned Kieron-Dyer-esque ploy of refusing to play out/in of position and consequently quickly losing the verbal battle that ensued – but arguably winning his own moral victory which some say is what really only counts.

The Clement Chew Award for Noise – Chris Ho

SHHIIIIIIIIEEEEET

The GISEYE Man of Mystery (MoM) Award (formally the Verun Narula Man of the Match (MotM) Award – Matthew Ng

This award given to the enigmatic Matthew Ng based largely on the fact that possibly reluctant GISEYE informer, Abdur, who is reportedly at Sheffield, has not mentioned Matthew Ng in any correspondances thus far to this date. Matthew Ng was unfortunately unavailable to comment on receiving his award.

The Woo Yi Xuan Award for GG – Vincent/Chee-Meng Au

For displaying great skills in the pursuit of RO over the years, despite being abandoned on five separate occasions by various wayward members of the public, of which possibly includes several of your current humbly-serving editors.

The GISEYE Award for Blog Identity Crisis – Lee Weng Yew

Of a visual nature: Lee Weng Yew.blogspot.com or Lee Weng Yew.wordpress.com? Additionally, several departments at GISEYE are rumoured to be incensed at the removal of GISEYE from wengyew.wordpress.com’s ‘Useful Sites List’, and indeed off the face of ‘The Narrow Road’ completely. Whether this is in retaliation to the some say harsh but fair analysis conducted of the aforementioned blog’s name in an exclusive hard-hitting GISEYE article of months ago; or whether it is due to wengyew.blogspot.com reportedly falling out on sixty-three separate occasions with GISEYE; or indeed whether it is because of the amicable well-meaning kick to the groin administered by a certain Clement Chew to Lee Weng Yew one night in London over the most recent Easter period, with several witnesses present including your humble editors and Bus Number 92 bound for Tottenham Court Road, all remains to be seen.

With no links whatsoever to what has just been said, we would just like to take this opportunity to state that GISEYE collectively believes that Lee Weng Yew is a well-liked, extremely humble, conscientious, knowledgeable, honest, often out-spoken yet some say that there is a sensitive side to the hard man image portrayed, and always operating for the greater good, gentleman. GISEYE would also like to wish Lee Weng Yew all the best in his future studies and pursuits in life, and that Clement Chew has possibly been issued with a formal warning about his actions of a physical nature towards such a sterling example and that we can stress that there will be no physical contact from Clement Chew over the next 150 days.

The Thomas Maxwell Award for Business Studies – Amanda Leung

The award so-named from the Best in Year 13 for Business Studies Award-winner himself, goes to the hard-working Amanda Leung for the hard work, sweat and toil put in to achieve the 2:1 in her Business Studies degree at the end of her first year at respected London educational institution the University of Westminster.

Our fullest congratulations to the awards winners of this decade of awards; you can all collect your awards upon meeting either of the editors in person with certain criteria not specified as yet to be met as a requirement deciding forward nature.

End

This is GISEYE, signing off.

Stay safe.

Manchester Evening News Arena of a Positive Nature

In response to possibly overwhelming demand, and in line with the current Facebook Premier Football trend; after hours of close deliberation, study of Football Manager 2008, past performances, goal scoring exploits and disciplinary records amongst others, and names of fellow former dwellers of the hallowed rustic nature of sixth form, we here at GISEYE have produced a 'GISEYE Select' team of approximately eleven players of the game football, which we feel if placed onto Facebook would indeed have an impact:


News
In other news, Co-Editor 2 Clement Chew has reportedly had a 12 hour shift at the M.E.N. Arena but at least he got to catch the FINA Tournament Finals live, Co-Editor 1 Thomas Maxwell has managed to successfully transfer himself from his Gran's house to UEA, and Co-Editor 3 Ben Bradley is currently residing in KL.

Also, with a growing surge in demand for digital cameras of late that completely caught us off our guard, and with Co-Editor 1's recent attainment a year ago of a digital camera; the great yet humble YX Woo has managed to produce within the space of 3 min 10 sec, an informative yet simulataneously absorbent video describing such a technological marvel, to rival even the most Extended versions of Co-Editor 2 Clement Chew's narrations on several of our blogcasts.

Click here to view: 'DIGITAL CAMERA'

We'd like to take this opportunity to recommend taking a visit to The narrow road which if unverified reports are accurate, is rumoured to have based on recent weather trends, a purely-physics based post on the electrical phenomena that is thunderstorms of late..

Stay safe

Barenbrug Bar 10 RTF

In what is likely to spark off a round a copy-cat posts at other blogs in the post-sixth-form blog realm, here is probably our most informative piece of information to the date of 4 April, 2008, providing you with a exclusive no holds-barred look into the inner runnings/structure of this very cumulation of mildly entertaining, arguably a step above, drivel of a positive nature, that is, giseye.


Other News
In other news, reports indicate the rise of an up-and-coming new blogger on the current sixth form horizon, named Martin Grey, his/her blog can be found at the attentively named Martin Grey's Diary not to be confused with the similarly named martingrey.blogspot.com. Checks indicated that he was of class 7G, located in room G6 for morning registrations. Further reports though confirmed that in fact he was not of class 7G, lower secondary. Additional reports after that later led us to discover that he was indeed a writer for the up and coming newspaper 'Perspective', which is based in the intellectual fountain that is school. Further reports suggested that there was a 33% chance that it could be Anonymous review, who indeed according to additional reports penned a further two articles in the latest issue of Perspective, thereby increasing the probability of it indeed being Anonymous review fourfold to the previously mentioned probability.

Analysis by your humble subservient editors drew up the conclusion that the layout of the blog of Martin Grey was indeed strikingly similar to Domo Argigato Mr Roboto, ofzim. Unfortunately, lacking in intellectual stimulation we were unable to come up with anything of a furtherly conclusive nature. However:

Further analysis of this mysterious predicament that we now currently find ourselves in, drew us naturally to the Perspective article entitled 'Grass field - Astroturf Field' which we felt was of particular relevance to this investigation, as was 'Poetry anthology 2008 winners' amongst others.

Grass field - Astroturf field
With two of your editors here at giseye previously featuring in what some say was the Golden Generation of the GIS footballing Alma mater (goals conceded tally of 1 before seasac06), others, state that they really weren't as good as they looked, others still, that they failed to convince fans of the merits of other sports such as swimming, and others still, spoke of the unpredictable nature of things such as life in general; we feel that a traditional grass field would be more suited for the hallow ground that is stadium tunku negara gis bhd. We would also like to take this opportunity to suggest the Barenbrug Bar 10 RTF variety, that we may possibly be affiliated with, of which the Barlexas II synergy which comprises 45% of the Barenbrug Bar 10 RTF mix, is reported to have "Excellent wear tolerance once established; good winter colour", and also features on many a Premier League club ground reportedly.

While you possibly wait for our next release or simply choose to never visit this site ever again, we cordially invite you to spend the time listening to the whole 18min18sec of what some say are the increasingly melodious tones of Co-Editor 2 Clement Chew, whose tones indeed are reported to possess a small but increasingly closely-knit fanbase, and to those musings of a subservient nature of Thomas Maxwell and those non-subservient though visibly wholesome Australian vocals off a certain Chris Ho amongst others, all found in our latest blogcast found coincidently below.

Game
Linking in with the above, now for a short temporary new feature of giseye entitled Game:
Burn the Rope

We would also like to take this opportunity to state that we hope that quality will improve in the coming future.