What Is This Sick Filth

Health, Fitness, & Fashion

'Hearty advice'

In this exclusive report, we here at GISEYE can now reveal to you the discerning reader, a discovery that quite possibly could be one of the steals of the coming academic year, lightening the fiscal burden for many a discerning consumer.

As a result of the previous paragraph you may now consequently be asking yourself, what precisely is this gloriously depicted bargain? Or indeed where can one take advantage of such a proposition? The answers to these questions may be revealed as follows.

‘Recent Reports on the Ground’

Recent reports on the ground indicate that the school shop is now selling house PE shirts for the perhaps jaw-dropping prices of RM19, RM21, and RM24, for sizes 24 & 26, 28-34, and 36-48 respectively. Whilst this revelation may now coerce you to abandon all current pursuit and commence direct and immediate journey to the school shop in question in order to take advantage of such an opportunity. Against all known logic however, we here at GISEYE do implore you to read on further as we divulge what possibly could bring an even greater benefit to one's wellbeing.

Splendid

Indeed, closer scrutiny of the recently unveiled house PE shirt price list revealed almost exclusively to GISEYE; opens up the existence of the fact that smaller sizes of such shirts are in fact priced lower than their larger more generous equivalents.

Extensive analysis of such evidence here at GISEYE has revealed that this consequently deduces that in order to take advantage of the cheaper shirts, one must endeavour to be either: shorter in height, or slimmer in girth.

What steps therefore, must one take to make the most of this subliminally beneficial currency-orientated exchange? A close source who may or may not have medical qualifications revealed to GISEYE that the following steps could possibly be taken in order to qualify for the cheaper, smaller shirts:

• Consuming less, rather than more, food.
• Exercising 7 times a day.
• Liposuction techniques.
• Exerting oneself through the medium of weights because weights have been professed to stunt vertical growth.

And indeed (though quarters here arguably question this):

• Hunching.

Unfortunately however, despite the exuberance at this pricing revelation at the GISEYE camp, not everyone appears to be welling in the veritable fountain of satisfaction that this deal regurgitates. Former well-respected student WOOYX, whom sources inform us has struggled in vain for the past half-decade to decrease in size, issued a statement in response: 'GG'.

Co-editor 2 Clement Chew countered this harsh statement however by enthusiastically overwhelmingly applauding the pricing strategies of the school book shop, quite possibly stating that it should encourage a whole generation of students to be both shorter, and slimmer, than ever before - though quite possibly to the detriment of the Basketball, Swimming, Athletics, Rugby, and Football teams.

'Golden Generation'

On the latter front however we must issue the statement that height on the whole did not appear to hold back what some call over the past fifty years, the ‘Golden Generation’ of school football, the Men’s U18 Football team of 06-07, winners of several regional tournaments and unfortunately due to possibly weather-orientated issues and refereeing malpractice, placed a disappointing fourth in the South-East Asian SEASAC football tournament, truly a calculated misrepresentation of their totalled abilities on the whole.

2nd Tallest Member T. Maxwell backtracking; Independent Playmaker M. Rust looking on; and Local Player V. Narula naturally entangled in the heat of the action

Returning to the matter at hand however. Elsewhere, sources have informed us that a man going under a pseudonym, that can coincidently also be translated directly from local dialect to mean ‘Excellent’, ‘Chun’, retracted his comment that such a clothing pricing bonanza was quite possibly of a homosexual nature. We later learned that this statement was actually wrongly attributed to ‘Chun’, and that in fact it has no place whatsoever in this exclusive report brought to you here first, by GISEYE.

'Undoubtedly popular amongst his peers' and avid GISEYE fan, Mr Lee Weng Yew, whom we have been informed by close sources, is in fact enjoying his summer holiday in Malaysia, was unfortunately unavailable for comment.

Meanwhile, Co-editor 1 Thomas Maxwell is taking a sabbatical, professed to be still washing his pants several times over after recently watching popular youth-band ‘Oasis’, live in London recently.

- GISEYE