Special Guest Article Edition #1

With some quarters loudly proclaiming that we here at GISEYE have lost the common touch; others, that we are severely deficient in any ability to write in a manner befitting the general readership; and others still, that few people actually read the drivel that we aggressively spew forth - after weeks of deliberation and in a flagrant attempt to increase our readership, we now are happy to publish an article that is neither exclusive, hard-hitting, outwardly-controversial, nor written by GISEYE.

Instead, we are now proud to present a special guest edition of the tri-monthly GISEYE Report.

Here, writing exclusively for GISEYE by a writer going under the pseudonym of 'Aarti Samtani’ - as follows is a dark yet deeply moving missive that limbers through the ups and the downs of university life.

‘Looking at your future as a child raises a myriad of fears and concerns’

Looking at your future as a child raises a myriad of fears and concerns. The majority of university related issues that arise are centralised around a predictable concept… grades.

With hindsight I realised the short sightedness of my childhood dreams. I shouldn’t have wasted my prayers on getting into University. Rather, I have realised, good accommodation is an even greater rarity and far less likely to come by.

Chapter 1 – The Plywood Years

My first apartment was defined as a ‘three bedroom complex’ by which he meant 2 bedrooms and a room within a living room. The last unfortunate room was barricaded with flimsy plywood.

Oddly enough, the room within a living room was not the worse feature of the apartment. The apartment looked like a dungeon; with little windows and a drier without a timer function. It was challenging; I was never certain if my clothes were shrinking or if it was the rapid horizontal expansion on my behalf (the later turned out to be true). Alternate accommodation was therefore arranged after a long year of searching.

Chapter 2 - Denial Through The Medium Of Spring Rolls

Now one would think, ‘what are the chances of getting screwed over twice?’ In my case, VERY likely. The current place I stay in has a curfew of 10pm on weekdays and midnight on weekends. Unfortunately, it is an enforceable rule.

Just to complete the whole affair; I am not allowed to cook unless prior permission is obtained. How the heck did I get myself in this situation? Well, funny story really.

It all started when I was deep frying spring rolls. The oil heated up and started smoking which resulted in a smoky environment. The lady of the house freaked out and shook with anger (literally, she was vibrating with anger… rather scary really) and from that fateful day I haven’t been allowed to cook. Clearly, I haven’t had much luck in the accommodation department.

Chapter 3 – Sorrow

I could never understand why one would want to own a home. After a year and a half I have now changed my mind. For those out there who suffer the same fate; I sincerely sympathize. I genuinely wish you the best of luck as I sit at home on Friday at 12.30am at the peak of my youth.

- The writer is currently reading Medicine at the University of New South Wales. When not courting legal controversy through publishing prose such as above, the writer enjoys cooking, losing weight, and taking leading roles in school-wide drama performances.

This is GISEYE, signing out.

Stay safe.

School Website Hacked Exclusive

Following a remarkable turn of events over the past week, we here at GISEYE, from the confines of the environs of inner-school internetreporting, are now able to reveal to you the ever-present undulating readership, recent reports of what is known in ‘hacker circles’ as a ‘cyber-attack’ upon the school website during the middle of last week.

As follows are exclusive to GISEYE, screenshots of the alleged attacks:

What am I looking at here

Utterly outrageous

After conducting extensive analysis and studying data available exclusively to GISEYE, we are now in the position to release the results of this study into the events that transpired leading up to this monumentally heinous crime - of what some say is of an utterly despicable yet daring nature that will no doubt serve to only strengthen the self-styled hard man yet softly spoken image this hacking perpetrator appears to be creating.

We have been led to believe that a group of hardcore individuals or indeed possibly one individual, slumbering on a chair in front of a computer screen in the confines of a dimly-lit perhaps subterranean basement room, whilst staring intently at the familiar screen in front of them, somehow managed to irregularly depress several keys on their well-worn keyboard and mouse in order to place the offending articles upon the school website - as one can see above.

Ben Bradley, Second Economics Correspondent, revealed that the opportunity cost of such an attack to the perpetrator could have been activities such as: doing homework, reading, and crucially in this health-conscious day and age - participating in many a physical recreation activity on a daily basis.

Firsthand Accounts

With regards to responses on the ground, rapid reporting by GISEYE is now able to reveal first-hand accounts from several individuals either connected to or formerly connected to the school, and by that link, the school website and thus, these distasteful online attacks.

In his first interview since being forced to relinquish his duties as Head Boy in June 2009, former Head Boy, Gregory Yap, in an initial state of blustering confusion stated, ‘how was it hacked?’ He then admitted exclusively to GISEYE the following revelation, ‘haha [sic] cool cool, this is new…nope,’ and with that categorically denying the possibility of the perpetrator being a disgruntled former teacher.

Meanwhile, close personal friend of Zi-wen Ho and also indeed of the popular yet humble Alang Aris, Ann Choong, sibling of Ian Choong, controversially revealed to GISEYE that she will personally be conducting her own investigations into this debacle, in a statement of, 'anyway.. im gonna go check it out.' As followed was a strong condemnation of the attacks with a provocative emotion-laden plea of, 'yeah thats it?...that is remarkably sad. probably cos someone hates him.' Ending with an informed cliffhanger of , '...the best way to get back at him is thru some technological hacking cos i suppose he must be pretty technologically savvy.'

Elsewhere, in a surprising statement, the enigmatic yet affable Henry Yen, Taiwanese graduate of Year 11 in 2005, and recently re-self-proclaimed, ‘the coolest guy you’ve met in ur life,’ in a cryptically ambiguous statement released by his advisors, controversially admitted, ‘it’s likely they were on the way to the school bus.’ As to whether the perpetrator was a disgruntled former teacher, Henry Yen (known to his close personal friends as 'Henry') declined to comment any further.

Finally, the omnipresent yet humble Woo YX, allegedly back from a recent business trip to PRC and currently preparing to dominate the selective KL nightlife scene, in a no doubt provocative aside quipped, ‘I think GIS IT Technicians are noobs XD,’ with a well-reasoned retort of ‘cause like they don’t know how to find the hacker and Dana’s brother have to like help them.’

Sick Filth

Finally, speculative speculation aside however, whilst recognising the immeasurable risks one would be exposed to in executing such a daring cyber-attack on the website of such a value for money educational institution - producer of such well-regarded individuals as the leadership-ordained Christopher J Ho, the fashionable Fariq Abdul Aziz, knowledge-bank Jason Ta-Liang Lim, the some say mysterious yet undoubtedly formidably pleasant amongst their peers Maevis Tan and Serena George, and possibly also Business Studies Supremo Thomas Maxwell - we here in our collective roles as second party observers opt to outwardly condone such cyber attacks such is their effect on limited school resources.

And finally, this hard-hitting exclusive just in from seasoned Co-Editor 2 Clement Chew:

"It is with our greatest regret and repugnance that we now feature this so-called facebook ‘group’ named the Moodle Hacker Appreciation Group. It appears that an eloquent individual going under the pseudonym of 'Affinity Male' has decided to start such a group glorifying the actions of this hacker. This, to the detriment of their homework completion abilities by nature of complete disregard in totality of their future academic achievements.

Already teeming with more than a hundred subscribers, this group appears to be a waste of time better spent perhaps revising for upcoming GCSE exams. No doubt 'Male' inherently feels a success for creating such a group, and while it is true that there are serious security concerns regarding the school website, there is no further need to add salt to the wounds."

And on that outrageous bombshell, this is GISEYE, signing off.

We hope that quality will improve in the future.