Thursday, April 29, 2010

Special Edition - DOE '07 #3

DoE Gold Award Final Expedition to Mt. Kinabalu 2007

:: Day 2 ::

(Narrator: Matt Rust)

We woke up around 8am and settled down to some breakfast. Rumors were circulating that Blonde Squadron had appointed Thomas Maxwell as Blonde Leader, instead of the almighty Ho. After breakfast we set of for our reportedly 5km jungle trek.

The trek took its toll on some members of the party, and this was only a warm up for the real mountain. Not good signs. The race for the showers was on once we returned from the jungle trek, and as Chris Ho was part way through his recollection of the infamous straightflush incident of 99 the stampedes began. It became apparent that there was infact hot water available and this greatly calmed the panic attack of Blonde Leader, who did not wish to shower in cold water owing to the fact that it is cold.

That evening we successfully built a fire and cooked on it, just like real cave men. Chris Ho grudgingly conceded that it was infact a military standard fire and something we should all be proud of. High Mage YX who has for some reason not featured until now, concurred and gave the fire a GG rating. (The highest possible rating). THE END

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Special Edition - DOE '07 #2

DoE Gold Award Final Expedition to Mt. Kinabalu 2007

:: Day 1 - continued ::

(Narrator: Matt Rust)

Once the plane touched down we streaked across the hot tarmac of the Kota Kinabalu airport and passed through immigration. Chris Ho came under some close scrutiny from the immigration officer but was eventually allowed to enter (apparently he’s wanted in 3 Australian states for terrorist activities in relation to Aires Rock).

Upon leaving the airport we had to pile into standard issue taxis, much to the dismay of Ho who had been hoping for chinhooks. In groups of 3-4 we traveled the 1.5hr journey from airport to Kinabalu National Park. The sight of the magnificent Kinabalu National Park gate rising in the distance brought a tear to the eye of Chris Ho, as he recalled previous attempts to scale the mighty mountain that had sadly ended disastrously and culminating in the death of his entire Australian SAS team. Sergeant Major Christopher Ho had been attempting with his SAS team to climb the mountain in a record 1minutes 41seconds, unfortunately though as night descended a fierce rain storm soaked the slopes of the mountain in water and many of Chris Ho’s compatriots fell and died. Chris Ho was the only survivor and eventually returned to the base camp alone, 6years later, covered in shiiiiit.

Mt Kinabalu

Once we arrived at KNP (Kinabalu National Park) we made our way to the headquarters where we were assigned rooms at the Rock Hostel. Many members of the group agreed that “rock ‘n’ roll hostel” would be much cooler, with the exception of Kit who though that Stoner Hostel was infinitely cool. The reason for such a name became apparent as we walked into the living area, the walls were made of rocks and resembled vertical cobbled roads. Chris Ho immediately declared himself satisfied with the apparent military standard of the walls, and this was a relief for everyone. We had settled into our new surroundings by around 3pm, but were told that we had no scheduled activities and had free time till about 7-8pm when there would be a briefing. Chris Ho was outraged.


Well done Lee Weng Yew

Later, at the briefing, we were put into groups for the following day, as we would be walking through the treacherous and dangerous jungle. Chris Ho expressed his dismay that he had not been entrusted with the formation of such groups and vented his anger by registering a very high blood pressure. After the briefing was over, Chris Ho declared that it would be wise for everyone to go to bed early so that they would have plenty of energy for the following day. The innocent Thomas Maxwell began a rebellious party known only as Blonde Squadron who intended to resist Ho and his early bed time policies. Violent pillow fighting ensued. Consequently Chris Ho saw the error of his ways and joined Blonde Squadron in their quest for Blondeness and Blonde Rights/Equality.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Special Edition - DOE '07 #1

DoE Gold Award Final Expedition to Mt. Kinabalu 2007

:: Day 1 ::

(Narrator: Matt Rust)

The DoE, Mt.Kinabalu experience started off like a typical school day. Waking up at 6am was something we thought we had escaped. Curtains were pulled back and bright light temporarily blinded us.

After being forced from our comfy beds and quickly taking the last opportunity for a civilized shower kit and I made the short journey to Chris Ho’s sacred abode laden with our huge heavy bags.

Upon arrival it became apparent that either Kit and I had under-packed, or that Ho himself had severely over-packed. This conclusion was drawn from the sheer enormity of Ho’s bag and the rumors that it had cost in the region of 15squillion Australian dollar. (We were later to be told by Ho himself that Australian dollars are infact BETTER than any other type of dollar or currency currently in circulation).

We traveled to the low-cost-carrier-airport in the comfort of the Ho-mobile, driven by the lovely Mrs. Ho, mother of the notorious Chris Ho. After arriving at said airport, we enjoyed a MacDonald’s breakfast and our last fast-food intake of the week. FREE REFILLS! Ah yes, and the obligatory burnt tongue which is inescapably suffered on each and every DoE trip was acquired before we’d even cooked a thing ourselves. Chris Ho however was simply not going to accept Ronald mcdonalds extortionate prices and bargained his way down 10cents on a mcflurry.

Once the bags had been checked in (Ho tucked his military grade bag away in some kind of protective all weather/all eventualities condom for extra protection) we headed for the gate, and as I’m sure the reader is familiar with the layout and workings of an airport, I’ll spare you the details...