Our new fashion spreads...

As you can see, our latest fashion craze is slowly, akin to a small hairless rodent, sweeping the school. One of our colleagues was spotted in this state earlier today.

We hope to change opinions, change looks as we change hearts and change lives in the process.

Public Conveniences Review 2007 (III of II)

We greet you in good tidings, as at the time of writing, it is now the mid-term holidays! As there’s much celebrating and merriment to have, we would like to take this opportunity to wish all our Indian readers a Happy Deepavali, and to all our Muslim readers, a Selamat Hari Raya, and to our Chinese readers, a Precursory Gong Xi Fa Cai. As your highly-sophisticated and cultivated editors have only one sole unified aim in life – aside from seeking the source of eternal coolness (we’re very close) – that is to meet the pleas of the general public in matters; we can now present to you the final part of our Toiletry Facilities Review 2007.

#7 New Building 5^th Floor PC

Drinks fountain for the dehydrated.

Description: four floors above the level of the basement of the fantastic addition to the infrastructure of the area. In an attractive location with, we are quite sure what must be a spectacular view; to entertain this toilet, proceed along a dark and dusty well-lit corridor, and utilise the entry mechanism to swing the door, to then experience this toilet facility. Quick and handy (right-handed, as left will offend certain races) tip: when approaching from the lift area staircases - we condone the utilisation of lifts by students of year 11 and below - advance straight for a 63% more early and enjoyable release.

There is no need for further photos, as this cleverly encapsulates the whole vicinity.

We do not know how this got here as it contradicts our above statement.

Quality: Fine, fine-dining, fine-wining; whatsoever fine you wish to use; we remark that this facility is particularly well fine. Here’s just a rundown of what you might be expecting to meet: fully-packed toilet-roll dispensers, well-functioning taps, frictionless ceramic sinks, ergonomic urinals, abundantly reflective mirrors, possibly military grade secure locks for cubicles; just a smattering of what you’ll be experiencing.
Rating: 4/5

#8 New Building Ground Floor PC

Artwork was placed in anticipation of our arrivals

Description: round the back of the new block, chances are you’ll be greeted by joyous cheers from merry scholars from the nursery, who create abundances of happiness and merriment from the hall opposite this PC. As a result of the vast array of artwork on display, your mind is instantly soothed and relaxed when approaching, and put into a state of gentle sub-consciousness. (Careful, you may even perhaps lose complete consciousness. Collapse onto the marble floor rupturing all ligaments, splitting your skull in six predefined places, and blood losses rapidly!) Which wouldn’t be well good. Therefore. It is advised to travel to this toiletry facility with a fellow member of the community.

Well-defined shadows given off by the reflection device

If you look closely, there’s a hole in the wall on the right. And we don’t know what it’s there for.

Quality: Just a little small. Like an attractive small canine. I’ve run out of things to put down. I swear we heard soft background music whilst inside.
Rating: 5/5 debate this

And that’s it really. Probably a 100% in English Language comprehension for this, as we reckon we comprehend English pretty well. In fact, perfectly. So if any avid readers of this dissertation fancy some help with their English Homework, let us know of it and your essay titles, and we’ll try our best to provide the perfect naturally support.

Well, thus concludes our insightful and sensual insight into the PC’s of our institution. We believe they have been examined to the utmost and given every attention to detail they require, hoping to the fullest that you have enjoyed the review and are now 150% more knowledgeable and capable on the various strings of quality shared by the available facilities. Stay tuned for more glorious and splendid projects,

(Our next project is to simultaneously flush all the toilets in the campus at exactly the same time, to record the sound produced, and replace a potential willing participant's voicebox with that same sound, only, slightly remanifested, so to mimic the call of a small train passing over a gravelled surface shaped similar to that of the tracks used in train transportations industries, of which there are many, and a lute may be included as well, whatever the latitudinal location of fire and brimestone and little red men that may be of inclusiveness occurance.)

On that note we would like to say thank you and goodbye.

Public Conveniences Review 2007 (II of II)

A good toilet may be defined as a clean, complete, and properly used public convenience. It not only requires the hard work and dedication in the issue of public health awareness, leading to a benefit of the welfare of future would-be users of the PC. Here is the second part of our review on the Public Conveniences of our wonderful campus.

#5 Male toilet outside sports hall.

Very conspicuous position.

Description: This PC was relatively average in conditions and performance. This is due to several reasons. Firstly, we cannot further emphasise the extremely conspicuous location of the PC, which leads to a belaying sense of insecurity when patronising this PC. Notice the double areas of entry into the PC; from the primary canteen by the staircase and from where Mr. Bradley is posted, leading from the main hall.

A well kept, neat, tidy, squeaky clean PC. Notice the cleaning utensils.

Quality: Upon entering, the patron is duly rewarded for trusting this particular PC by the vision of a smooth, white, toilet seat, plentiful supplies of toilet paper, and no filth whatsoever on the walls and the floor. One may think that this PC has seen the very least of occupants, not to say the very least a lone educator or a primary school student who has urgent pressing business. On to the next figure.

Conveniently placed soap and *gasp* no cockroaches!

There is not much more that we can possibly add to this clean, relatively small, wonderfully decorated PC (observe the colouring of the tiles.). Other than its relatively dangerous position which is prone to entrance from both sides of the corridor, we give this PC a tentative thumbs-up.

#6. The Changing Rooms PC.

Behold, the ONLY changing room in this block

There are plenty of negative comments which are to follow about this particular PC cum Changing Room, and the state of the door is the very least of it. Description: Located opposite the DT labs and in the middle of the corridor adjoining the two canteens, this particular PC disgusts us to some extent.

No, it's not just the rust that we're ticked off with.

No joke, there is nothing visible on the knob of the door except apparently shiny, silver metal. However, it is the invisibles that we are concerned about. This editor walked into this PC one fine Wednesday, and in the process of washing his hands, heard a lone Year Five step up onto the large metal urinal beside the sinks, and begin doing his business. The editor continued to soap up his hands and eliminate them of all blemishes when suddenly, the Year Five (A Blonde Haired Bloke with Grey Knee Length Shorts) pulled up his shorts, and rushed out of the toilet, without making any inherent attempt to rid his claws of all microbes and filth. The editor stood his ground for five seconds, before deciding to exit through the changing rooms, where a horde of unruly, smelly Year Eights were shedding their skins and replacing them with varying colours of red, yellow, purple and green.

If this PC is treated in this particular manner, how can patrons of this PC piss in peace, knowing that more than one unwashed hand has descended on that metal object above? For other forms of information on how to safely extricate yourself from this quagmire, feel free to browse Weng Yew's column cumblog.

Tissue paper and mirrored thumbs down.

Quality: As you can see, a wad of tissue paper, presumably used for you-know-what, has been discovered beneath the inconveniently placed soap dispenser. If the reader observes the photo with more scrutiny, he/she may find a strangely shaped object hanging from the light in the background.

No, it's not a trick of the light.

A stream of tissue paper, presumably damp (unascertained, due to concerns to personal health and safety) hangs from the fluorescent, metal light, causing inconvenience to occupants by the sound of its dripping and the risk of being splattered by the malicious drops. A pack of brown powder whose contents were not acquired and analysed rests on the top of the cubicles.

Surprisingly Clean.

If there was such a thing as a "redeemer", the changing rooms would more than suit the mould. Contrary to the PC, the changing room receives a moderate thumbs (Neither up nor down.). We feel that this rating is necessary, as we have not included it amongst other ratings, therefore its inclusion is rather justified, rather.

It's not what you think it is.

In Conclusion, this particular PC is an exampled specimen to all the loyal students of this educational institution. The picture above shows the transference of outside elements, e.g. mud into the complex, and this is the result of an over-excitable younger year. Drastic improvements in the form that students of the educational community have to be made in order for this PC to become inhabitable again by the BOTH the needy and the luxurious.
Rating: 1/5 (The Changing Rooms boosted its reputation, but maybe we're just being too kind.)

And THAT, ladies and mostly gentlemen, almost concludes our report of the habitable and uninhabitable Public Conveniences in our wonderful institution. New building toilets may appear soon as well. Be prepared for our next projects, which are numerous and just as entirely unnecessary as this escapade.

We hope you have enjoyed our meagre presentation of PCs in our institution and found some assistance in doing the complicated business of Bowel Movement. Cheers.

Public Conveniences Review 2007 (I of II)

Be upstanding for, presenting, conveniently, our official review and guide to the public conveniences (PCs) of our school. Firstly, a PC, also known by Americans as a bathroom, or by the French as la toilette, is helpfully defined by Wikipedia as:

A toilet is a plumbing fixture and a disposal system primarily intended for the disposal of the bodily wastes; urine, fecal matter, vomit and menses. Toilets additionally accept a paper product known as toilet paper. Other objects may cause blockages in the plumbing.

Yi Xuan Woo has also helpfully defined a toilet as:

GG XD toilet is just toilet man tandas GG

Conveniently utilising our well honed skills in photography, walking, entering, leaving, and our precise knowledge of the school's layout plans, and of vertical posture, we set about in developing a dissertation. Each toilet has undergone careful scrutiny and has been run over by a metaphysical fine toothcomb. We hope to cumulate in the most satisfying toiletry experience for our readers when frequenting GIS.

#1 Sixth Form

Symmetrical cubicle designing

Adequate statuatory space

All-round success in a positive manner

Description: located on the lowermost floor of the secondary school, directly opposite the sixth form common room, the SFPC is probably the more frequently used on PCs by the sixth form, and by the occasional handyman technician and random bus driver. However, it is rarely used by other members of the school.
Quality: usually decent overall, although water does appear in certain areas of the floor due to pipe blockages. A noticeable lack of sinks is glaringly evident, contributing to excessive colonies of bacteria on the entrance door handle, such that the door handle looks soiled and rusted in appearance. Defamatory students trying to enter locked cubicles while failing miserably have corroded most of the door locks with coins.
Rating: 4/5

#2 L Floor

Dangerous obstacles block path and route

Helpfully placed wash facilites

Unpleasant stained community standing urinal

Outcome was not good

Description: found on the science floor of the secondary school, adjacent to the science teacher's workroom; the LPC is one of the more heavily used toilets in the secondary school, due to the irrational sociological reasoning of many a student that going down from the G floor to urinate is easier and faster than going up the F Floor PC.
Quality: on the academic side of things, probably the more unpleasant of toilets. Used as a hangout base for rebellious students just after short break. The LPC has a high, swift turnover rate with it being extremely busy at short breaks, and as such, one often feels rushed when entering the vicinity, which is not too pleasant.
Rating: 1.5/5

#3 G Floor

Encountering initial difficulty in entering possibly well-guarded entrance

Hands will now be breathtakingly 150% cleaner

Glorious

Glorious

Description: staff toilet. Used by staff.
Quality: the best toilet in the secondary school by a metre rule of physics teacher. It posses porcelain urinals, and a spiffingly sweet scent fills the air upon enterance. In contrast to the L floor toilets, the floors are crystal clean, and actually reflect small objects: such as coins and pencil lead. The utter brilliance of this toilet cannot be expressed enough of. If we had one wish in life, it would be that our toilets would be as nice as this; an obvious guarantee.
Rating: 4.5/5

#4 S Floor

Somewhat cleverly hidden door

All the required utensils were present

Massively unusual abstract design

A worthy thumbs up in the end

Description: top floor of the secondary school, frequented by a couple of teachers, ICT technicians, and the odd student. One of the indie toilets due to its distancing from the rest of the public conveniences.
Quality: honestly, pretty decent. Its remote location means that one's ears are mostly filled with silence, and therefore, strong, silent types are encouraged. No urinals here. The exterior of the toilet is usually exposed to the full force of the sun, this has the effect upon entering this toilet, of partially blinding you, as the inside lacks sufficient ambiance light.
Rating: 3.5/5

...Part 2 to follow

Summer Fashion Wrapup 2007 Part 1

Latest wearable craze to sweep the floors of the school. Only on Mondays lesson one and Thursdays lesson three mind you.