Public Conveniences Review 2007 (III of II)

We greet you in good tidings, as at the time of writing, it is now the mid-term holidays! As there’s much celebrating and merriment to have, we would like to take this opportunity to wish all our Indian readers a Happy Deepavali, and to all our Muslim readers, a Selamat Hari Raya, and to our Chinese readers, a Precursory Gong Xi Fa Cai. As your highly-sophisticated and cultivated editors have only one sole unified aim in life – aside from seeking the source of eternal coolness (we’re very close) – that is to meet the pleas of the general public in matters; we can now present to you the final part of our Toiletry Facilities Review 2007.

#7 New Building 5^th Floor PC

Drinks fountain for the dehydrated.

Description: four floors above the level of the basement of the fantastic addition to the infrastructure of the area. In an attractive location with, we are quite sure what must be a spectacular view; to entertain this toilet, proceed along a dark and dusty well-lit corridor, and utilise the entry mechanism to swing the door, to then experience this toilet facility. Quick and handy (right-handed, as left will offend certain races) tip: when approaching from the lift area staircases - we condone the utilisation of lifts by students of year 11 and below - advance straight for a 63% more early and enjoyable release.

There is no need for further photos, as this cleverly encapsulates the whole vicinity.

We do not know how this got here as it contradicts our above statement.

Quality: Fine, fine-dining, fine-wining; whatsoever fine you wish to use; we remark that this facility is particularly well fine. Here’s just a rundown of what you might be expecting to meet: fully-packed toilet-roll dispensers, well-functioning taps, frictionless ceramic sinks, ergonomic urinals, abundantly reflective mirrors, possibly military grade secure locks for cubicles; just a smattering of what you’ll be experiencing.
Rating: 4/5

#8 New Building Ground Floor PC

Artwork was placed in anticipation of our arrivals

Description: round the back of the new block, chances are you’ll be greeted by joyous cheers from merry scholars from the nursery, who create abundances of happiness and merriment from the hall opposite this PC. As a result of the vast array of artwork on display, your mind is instantly soothed and relaxed when approaching, and put into a state of gentle sub-consciousness. (Careful, you may even perhaps lose complete consciousness. Collapse onto the marble floor rupturing all ligaments, splitting your skull in six predefined places, and blood losses rapidly!) Which wouldn’t be well good. Therefore. It is advised to travel to this toiletry facility with a fellow member of the community.

Well-defined shadows given off by the reflection device

If you look closely, there’s a hole in the wall on the right. And we don’t know what it’s there for.

Quality: Just a little small. Like an attractive small canine. I’ve run out of things to put down. I swear we heard soft background music whilst inside.
Rating: 5/5 debate this

And that’s it really. Probably a 100% in English Language comprehension for this, as we reckon we comprehend English pretty well. In fact, perfectly. So if any avid readers of this dissertation fancy some help with their English Homework, let us know of it and your essay titles, and we’ll try our best to provide the perfect naturally support.

Well, thus concludes our insightful and sensual insight into the PC’s of our institution. We believe they have been examined to the utmost and given every attention to detail they require, hoping to the fullest that you have enjoyed the review and are now 150% more knowledgeable and capable on the various strings of quality shared by the available facilities. Stay tuned for more glorious and splendid projects,

(Our next project is to simultaneously flush all the toilets in the campus at exactly the same time, to record the sound produced, and replace a potential willing participant's voicebox with that same sound, only, slightly remanifested, so to mimic the call of a small train passing over a gravelled surface shaped similar to that of the tracks used in train transportations industries, of which there are many, and a lute may be included as well, whatever the latitudinal location of fire and brimestone and little red men that may be of inclusiveness occurance.)

On that note we would like to say thank you and goodbye.