Thursday, October 12, 2006

Public Conveniences Review 2007 (I of II)

Be upstanding for, presenting, conveniently, our official review and guide to the public conveniences (PCs) of our school. Firstly, a PC, also known by Americans as a bathroom, or by the French as la toilette, is helpfully defined by Wikipedia as:
A toilet is a plumbing fixture and a disposal system primarily intended for the disposal of the bodily wastes; urine, fecal matter, vomit and menses. Toilets additionally accept a paper product known as toilet paper. Other objects may cause blockages in the plumbing.
Yi Xuan Woo has also helpfully defined a toilet as:
GG XD toilet is just toilet man tandas GG
Conveniently utilising our well honed skills in photography, walking, entering, leaving, and our precise knowledge of the school's layout plans, and of vertical posture, we set about in developing a dissertation. Each toilet has undergone careful scrutiny and has been run over by a metaphysical fine toothcomb. We hope to cumulate in the most satisfying toiletry experience for our readers when frequenting GIS.

#1 Sixth Form

Symmetrical cubicle designing

Adequate statuatory space

All-round success in a positive manner

Description: located on the lowermost floor of the secondary school, directly opposite the sixth form common room, the SFPC is probably the more frequently used on PCs by the sixth form, and by the occasional handyman technician and random bus driver. However, it is rarely used by other members of the school.
Quality: usually decent overall, although water does appear in certain areas of the floor due to pipe blockages. A noticeable lack of sinks is glaringly evident, contributing to excessive colonies of bacteria on the entrance door handle, such that the door handle looks soiled and rusted in appearance. Defamatory students trying to enter locked cubicles while failing miserably have corroded most of the door locks with coins.
Rating: 4/5

#2 L Floor

Dangerous obstacles block path and route

Helpfully placed wash facilites

Unpleasant stained community standing urinal

Outcome was not good

Description: found on the science floor of the secondary school, adjacent to the science teacher's workroom; the LPC is one of the more heavily used toilets in the secondary school, due to the irrational sociological reasoning of many a student that going down from the G floor to urinate is easier and faster than going up the F Floor PC.
Quality: on the academic side of things, probably the more unpleasant of toilets. Used as a hangout base for rebellious students just after short break. The LPC has a high, swift turnover rate with it being extremely busy at short breaks, and as such, one often feels rushed when entering the vicinity, which is not too pleasant.
Rating: 1.5/5

#3 G Floor

Encountering initial difficulty in entering possibly well-guarded entrance

Hands will now be breathtakingly 150% cleaner

Glorious

Glorious

Description: staff toilet. Used by staff.
Quality: the best toilet in the secondary school by a metre rule of physics teacher. It posses porcelain urinals, and a spiffingly sweet scent fills the air upon enterance. In contrast to the L floor toilets, the floors are crystal clean, and actually reflect small objects: such as coins and pencil lead. The utter brilliance of this toilet cannot be expressed enough of. If we had one wish in life, it would be that our toilets would be as nice as this; an obvious guarantee.
Rating: 4.5/5

#4 S Floor

Somewhat cleverly hidden door

All the required utensils were present

Massively unusual abstract design

A worthy thumbs up in the end

Description: top floor of the secondary school, frequented by a couple of teachers, ICT technicians, and the odd student. One of the indie toilets due to its distancing from the rest of the public conveniences.
Quality: honestly, pretty decent. Its remote location means that one's ears are mostly filled with silence, and therefore, strong, silent types are encouraged. No urinals here. The exterior of the toilet is usually exposed to the full force of the sun, this has the effect upon entering this toilet, of partially blinding you, as the inside lacks sufficient ambiance light.
Rating: 3.5/5

...Part 2 to follow

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