School Website Hacked Exclusive

Following a remarkable turn of events over the past week, we here at GISEYE, from the confines of the environs of inner-school internetreporting, are now able to reveal to you the ever-present undulating readership, recent reports of what is known in ‘hacker circles’ as a ‘cyber-attack’ upon the school website during the middle of last week.

As follows are exclusive to GISEYE, screenshots of the alleged attacks:

What am I looking at here

Utterly outrageous

After conducting extensive analysis and studying data available exclusively to GISEYE, we are now in the position to release the results of this study into the events that transpired leading up to this monumentally heinous crime - of what some say is of an utterly despicable yet daring nature that will no doubt serve to only strengthen the self-styled hard man yet softly spoken image this hacking perpetrator appears to be creating.

We have been led to believe that a group of hardcore individuals or indeed possibly one individual, slumbering on a chair in front of a computer screen in the confines of a dimly-lit perhaps subterranean basement room, whilst staring intently at the familiar screen in front of them, somehow managed to irregularly depress several keys on their well-worn keyboard and mouse in order to place the offending articles upon the school website - as one can see above.

Ben Bradley, Second Economics Correspondent, revealed that the opportunity cost of such an attack to the perpetrator could have been activities such as: doing homework, reading, and crucially in this health-conscious day and age - participating in many a physical recreation activity on a daily basis.

Firsthand Accounts

With regards to responses on the ground, rapid reporting by GISEYE is now able to reveal first-hand accounts from several individuals either connected to or formerly connected to the school, and by that link, the school website and thus, these distasteful online attacks.

In his first interview since being forced to relinquish his duties as Head Boy in June 2009, former Head Boy, Gregory Yap, in an initial state of blustering confusion stated, ‘how was it hacked?’ He then admitted exclusively to GISEYE the following revelation, ‘haha [sic] cool cool, this is new…nope,’ and with that categorically denying the possibility of the perpetrator being a disgruntled former teacher.

Meanwhile, close personal friend of Zi-wen Ho and also indeed of the popular yet humble Alang Aris, Ann Choong, sibling of Ian Choong, controversially revealed to GISEYE that she will personally be conducting her own investigations into this debacle, in a statement of, 'anyway.. im gonna go check it out.' As followed was a strong condemnation of the attacks with a provocative emotion-laden plea of, 'yeah thats it?...that is remarkably sad. probably cos someone hates him.' Ending with an informed cliffhanger of , '...the best way to get back at him is thru some technological hacking cos i suppose he must be pretty technologically savvy.'

Elsewhere, in a surprising statement, the enigmatic yet affable Henry Yen, Taiwanese graduate of Year 11 in 2005, and recently re-self-proclaimed, ‘the coolest guy you’ve met in ur life,’ in a cryptically ambiguous statement released by his advisors, controversially admitted, ‘it’s likely they were on the way to the school bus.’ As to whether the perpetrator was a disgruntled former teacher, Henry Yen (known to his close personal friends as 'Henry') declined to comment any further.

Finally, the omnipresent yet humble Woo YX, allegedly back from a recent business trip to PRC and currently preparing to dominate the selective KL nightlife scene, in a no doubt provocative aside quipped, ‘I think GIS IT Technicians are noobs XD,’ with a well-reasoned retort of ‘cause like they don’t know how to find the hacker and Dana’s brother have to like help them.’

Sick Filth

Finally, speculative speculation aside however, whilst recognising the immeasurable risks one would be exposed to in executing such a daring cyber-attack on the website of such a value for money educational institution - producer of such well-regarded individuals as the leadership-ordained Christopher J Ho, the fashionable Fariq Abdul Aziz, knowledge-bank Jason Ta-Liang Lim, the some say mysterious yet undoubtedly formidably pleasant amongst their peers Maevis Tan and Serena George, and possibly also Business Studies Supremo Thomas Maxwell - we here in our collective roles as second party observers opt to outwardly condone such cyber attacks such is their effect on limited school resources.

And finally, this hard-hitting exclusive just in from seasoned Co-Editor 2 Clement Chew:

"It is with our greatest regret and repugnance that we now feature this so-called facebook ‘group’ named the Moodle Hacker Appreciation Group. It appears that an eloquent individual going under the pseudonym of 'Affinity Male' has decided to start such a group glorifying the actions of this hacker. This, to the detriment of their homework completion abilities by nature of complete disregard in totality of their future academic achievements.

Already teeming with more than a hundred subscribers, this group appears to be a waste of time better spent perhaps revising for upcoming GCSE exams. No doubt 'Male' inherently feels a success for creating such a group, and while it is true that there are serious security concerns regarding the school website, there is no further need to add salt to the wounds."

And on that outrageous bombshell, this is GISEYE, signing off.

We hope that quality will improve in the future.