Prom 2007 – A Preview

With your writers having a combined Prom experience of over well over 1560 minutes, we find ourselves in the unenviable position of having a deep murky pool of knowledge to suck from, in this our official Preview of Prom 2007; which is generally fecally plenary.

Precisely hosted by the Sheraton Imperial this year. For the knowledge-based nonpossessors, the word ‘Prom’, can take on a variety of meanings, as usefully carefully listed forewidth, cautious scrutiny of each particular definition has led us to come to the debatable conclusion that our Prom 2007 may indeed quite possibly be referring to the first definition, although up to the time of publishing, your enigmatically excitingly editors have still yet to reach a final deduction. Clement 'Cannot Control Own Limbs' Chew being the source of all confusion.

1. a formal dance, esp. one held by a high school or college class at the end of an academic year
2. memory hardware that can be programmed only once
3. acronym stands for premature rupture of membranes and means a woman's water has broken early

We believe that Proms are very big in America.

“The most important ocassion in one’s life including marriage and childbirth.”

As we extravagantly described earlier, the Sheraton Imperial is where we expect a large proportion of our educational establishment’s population to congregate at; 6.30pm, the eve of the Prom.

Right, what will definitively happen on the day of the Prom is:
6.45 – your editors arise from positions of slumber
7.40 – students begin arriving in school
7.42 – chairs are laid out in Grand Hall for a variety of school day events
7.55 – Lee Weng Yew walks into class
7.55 – upper secondary school-wide discussion on Prom begins
7.56 – Lee Weng Yew walks out of class
8.00 – whole school’s excitement stimulation levels increase by a factor of 10 upon learning that it is the last day of term
8.10 – lessons start
8.15 – secondary school-wide concentration levels dip, continuing on a negative exponential curve fall (math joke, for all the math fans) for the rest of the school day
9.25 – short break starts, food eaten
9.45 – short break ends
9.45 – various rebellious secondary school students congregate in L-floor toilets
9.46 – various rebellious secondary school students leave L-floor toilets
9.47 – Further Mathematics lesson starts (Zim, Menzie, Coin, Anisha, Weng Yew and Yun Jung – greetings of a higher nature)
10.15 – end of term assembly commences
11.30 – all peoples attending Prom asked to stay back to be issued guidelines on the night. Whilst issuing, several people have out of body experiences.
1.00 – all Prom-goers start their lengthy preparations
5.00 – drivers fill cars with C21H30O2 (petrol)
5.30 – first eager individuals arrive
6.15 – first sensible individuals arrive, first b*tching starts about what others sauntering through the large-expansive-transparent-glass-reinforced-entrance-doors have hanging off their expansive backs
6.59 – individuals who consider themselves the most important and popular, arrive
7.00 – after the mass congregating of Prom-goers having saturated the hotel lobby, leaving there little space for movement and the air becoming increasingly thin as the horizontally gifted take in deep breaths, endangering the lives of everyone, a single small slight Prom committee female instructs everyone in attendance to venture downwards toward the Grand Ballroom. This consequently results in mass hysteria, as the larger, unwashed, sweating members of the upper secondary community lumber onward; several small-to-medium sized individuals get trampled in the process; a number of small individuals get crushed, never to walk on the face of this earth possibly again; nevertheless individuals of the scrawny nature somehow manage to squeeze their ways in front, and hurtle their lanky bone-protruding frames forward, elbowing repeatedly the unfortunate average student (such as your endowed editors); several individuals rupture their spleens; two persons achieve unconscious states; five individuals bleed internally; the scrawny folk and the great unwashed venture, closely followed by the slowing horizontally-gifted of the school community’s members - toward the immense pine with a slight shade of oak entrance accesses to the Grand Ballroom.

And then some essays are recited by the upper members of the echelons of the school, followed by the dimming of light-emitting-strobes, the serving of food, the playing of performances of the musical variety, the clearing of uneaten food, lights turned off, complete darkness resulting in mass hysteria, several individuals unknowingly stab themselves in the face with forks, then proceed to stab their friends with such items, Clement Chew commences piano recital – or if he hasn’t passed the auditions allowing him to; removes the next performer/s and commences playing anyway - several people moan in ecstasy as a result.

Remember, you heard it from us first.

Vital facts:
Chances of hotel disappearing: 1 in 580
Chances of nobody turning up: 1 in 635
number of chairs: 480
number of balloons: 960
Chances of there being a clown performance upon arrival:
what the fk Clement.

We apologise for the overwhelming sh*teness of such a Preview. As (remarkably), this is the first one we’ve ever done. Our actual plan for this blog and for sixth form wide domination, is to start off really rubbish, and then get better over time. Rather than starting off really well and then getting more rubbish as time progresses. Discuss this erratically using our comments system (because we’re jealous of Blog Weng Yew getting way more comments than us). Actually, don’t, because it means more work for our resident moderator of comments, Maxwell.

Pushing this sh*tness aside with a large shovel, at least there's some Prom-related interviews coming up.